in Derp

Apple Separatism

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Today I thought I’d help you better understand how separatist rhetoric sounds to my ears via a goofy metaphor. For me, listening to Separatist logic is a bit like dealing with someone who might assert that grouping apples and oranges together under the category of “round fruit” is wrong because apples are red.

*Takes off my Inclusionist hat and puts on my Separatist hat*

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Apples are not “round fruit”! What an insult! When you call an apple a “round fruit” you’re calling it an orange. I have news for you: oranges are not apples; apples are RED!

People like apples because they’re more normal than oranges. Would you give an orange to a teacher? No! You give them apples! I don’t want apples to be associated with oranges! Oh, and what about those nasty grape fruits?!? Apples are not grape fruit!

I demand we dump the term “round fruit”! That term is oppressive! I think we should call it “spherical fruit” or even better, the apple/orange/grape fruit fruits! That’s the only way people will understand that an apple is not an orange (or heaven forbid, a grape fruit!).

Stop trying to assimilate apples into your Round Borg! You’re just trying to sneak in acceptance of grape fruits on the coattails of apples! Did you know a grape fruit grower named Virginia Prince came up with the term, “round fruit”????

This is "Round Fruit"

This is “Round Fruit”

See that?!? The above picture is an Ugli Fruit! It’s wrong to compare apples to this type of disgusting stuff! What are the Round Borg going to do next… claim that this is a Round Fruit:

Rambutan

Apples are NOT Rambutans! Why won’t the Round Borg understand this!?!?!

Matthew 7:18 CLEARLY states that apples are God’s chosen fruit:

“A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.” – God

Have you ever seen the thorns on a grape fruit tree?!?

Just like the crown of thorns Romans forced upon the Lord!

This is NOTHING like an apple tree! Apple trees were God’s chosen tree; the tree of knowledge!

Godly apple tree

See? NOT ALIKE! Round Borg, let my fruit go*!!!

If we can just get people to understand that apples are COMPLETELY different than grape fruit, apples wouldn’t be the subject of condemnation by the right-wing!

Also, a True Apple isn’t really round anyway; it’s kinda oblongish, fuller on top and narrower on the bottom. Yes, you might note that granny smith apples are round, but they’re not True Apples… They’re green… like limes! Also, they’re bitter… like a grape fruit. Anyway… A True Apple isn’t a citrus!

Stop calling fruit of apple history round! It’s like assault and objectification!

These are all FACTS! Just read books! I’ve lived in Texas since the 1960s and because Texas represents the entire American fruit culture, I can tell you that nobody ever called an apple a “round fruit” until that evil Virginia Prince grape fruit grower began to refer to fruits of apple history as “round fruit”!
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Seriously… this is very close to the level of absurdity I see when I read separatist ideology.

*Note: Petition has been up since 2009

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